Dawn of the planet of the apes

June 29, 2018

 

In a time where the battle for gender equality quite-rightly appears to be heading in the right direction, were it not for a few pockets of resistance, the World could be a much better place.

 

Unfortunately, for winner of Time awards’ “Most ethical Global Blog 2018”, Tutti Recruitti, the battle is evident on a daily basis and those pushing back against what could be fairer times, are more than eager to have their voices heard. Once such cretin, Dawn Sapian, notorious for building groups like WOW (Women Only Workplaces), OMG (Oppress Male Groups) and TOTES (Tits Over Testes Employment Standards) made sure that her voice was the loudest. In what was another terrible idea, Tutti Recruitti yet again sent in the best of the best of the best sir… with honours… to find out why Dawn was going bananas. “They’re apes! Every last one of them! And there’s no chance I’m talking to him” Dawn yelled at Sheila, whilst pointing towards Mike, the angry look on her face akin to a stamped-on ham sandwich.

 

“Listen love, you need to leave your job right now, working with apes like him is no good for you. You need to quit before it kicks off” she continued. Dawn suddenly pulled Sheila close and whispered, “We’re building an army to kill them all!” Dawn then began shouting and making war cries, with a back-up choir of other women, repeating her shrieks from up in the trees. “THEY’VE KEPT US DOWN FOR TOO LONG, IT’S TIME TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE APES!” she yelled.

 

Foolishly, Mike decided to pipe up.

 

“But what about all the good guys out there who think everything should be fair and equal?” he said “It’s really weird, it’s like you’re obsessed with the Planet of the Apes story but have it all backwards” No sooner had he finished what he was saying, when one of Dawn’s soldiers leapt from a tree, and with the single wipe of a seriously well-sharpened stick of celery, removed Mike’s head from his shoulders.

 

Sheila, bless her, hasn’t been seen since.

 

Are we getting closer to a World where rights are equal for all? Or are there still groups with ape-like behaviours who need death-striking from above with weaponised vegetables? Let us know.

 

Brought to you by Tutti Recruitti, opposing loud, smelly Trumps since 2018

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